From the Common Sense Guru and one of the Nation‟s foremost Relationship Experts, Motivational Speakers and Wealth-Creat
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From the Common Sense Guru and one of the Nation‟s foremost Relationship Experts, Motivational Speakers and Wealth-Creation Agents.
101 WISDOM FOR SINGLES Olumide O. Emmanuel 101 WISDOM FOR SINGLES Copyright(c) 1999 by Olumide O. Emmanuel ISBN: 978-041-025-2 Revised and Updated Copyright(c) 2001 Reprinted in 2013 All rights reserved No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the copyright owner. Unless otherwise noted, all scripture quotations are from the King James Version of the Bible.
Published by: Common Sense Publishing P.O Box 2847, Ikeja, Lagos-Nigeria. Distributed and Marketed by: Common Sense Ltd. No 28b, Ajanaku Street, Awuse Estate, Salvation Bus Stop, Opebi Road, Ikeja, Lagos-Nigeria.
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CONTENTS INTRODUCTION CHAPTER ONE Understanding Singleness CHAPTER TWO 101 Wisdom Capsules CHAPTER THREE Understanding Relationship FINAL WORD 101 Wisdom For Singles INTRODUCTION
“And wisdom and knowledge shall be the stability of thy times, and strength of salvation: The fear of the Lord is his treasure” Is. 33:6 God is a God of plan, purpose and objectivity. He has designed it that in the last days, wisdom and knowledge shall strengthen the saints. For every stage of life, there are wisdom nuggets that will give room for victory. God‟s Word is a book of wisdom for all ages, the careful study of which gives anyone, that so desires, the WISDOM FOR WINNING! “Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: Be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as dove.” Matt. 10:16 This counsel and declaration of Jesus to his disciples is also true for us today. We are in this world but NOT of this world; hence, the need to be wise in all we do that we may overcome. As teenagers and singles, certain wisdoms are available to ensure a victorious Christian living and successful transition in the stages of life. Therefore, this book is compiled for the purpose of revealing to you - WISDOM FOR WINNING. PREFACE This version is not a new book all together but a restructuring of the old with additional spice, few replacements and update. If you‟re not updated, you‟ll be outdated. Hence, for this book to remain fresh and relevant, it has been updated and reproduced for impartation of wisdom based on the testimonies of thousands of readers all over the world. There is no doubt that you are holding in your hand an instrument in God‟s hand for divine lifting. Congratulations as you join the company of the wise. Shalom! Olumide Emmanuel. CHAPTER ONE
UNDERSTANDING SINGLENESS Life is lived in stages with each stage being very unique and at the same time a training ground for the next stage of life. Failure to make the most of all available opportunities in a stage might mean entering the next stage without adequate preparation. “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven” Eccl.3:1 Singleness means to be separate, unique and whole. It is a major stage of life wherein one is divinely equipped for the next stage of lifemarriage. Some marry too early only to discover that they have missed some vital knowledge or experiences during the singleness stage of their lives; but nobody wins a battle by manufacturing weapons on the battle field. Hence, these people have to use the early stage of their marriage to acquire the experience they could have acquired much earlier. He hath made everything beautiful in his time. Eccl 3:11 Singleness is beautiful and it possesses certain unique opportunities which every wise single person should avail himself of and become whole. YOU CANNOT BE A YOUTH OR SINGLE TWICE! This is because there is a beauty in each stage of life that is absent in the other. There is a time to be single. When one gets married, there are some advantages of singleness that marriage removes while it replaces them with the advantages only marriage brings which are absent in the single stage of life. Many are ashamed of their singleness because they are ignorant of the blessings of singleness. Singleness is not a sin, curse or sickness. It is not a problem. It is only a necessary passage in the process of life. For I would that all me were even as myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner and
another after that. 1 Cor. 7:6-7. I wish everyone could get along without marrying, just as I do. But we are not all the same. God gives some the gift of a husband or wife, and others he gives the gift to stay happy unmarried. 1 Cor. 7: 32 - 33 KJV. In all you do, I want you to be free from worry. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord‟s work and thinking how to please Him. But a married man can‟t do that so well. He has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. 1 Cor. 7: 32 -33 TLB One of the many blessings of singleness which every wise single should make use of is that it affords you the sole opportunity of serving the Lord with singleness of heart, void of the distractions of marital responsibilities. When one gets married, the joy of responsibility is also a blessing. However, we must try to get the maximum of all the blessings of each stage. The single stage is the time you have to give your all to God, in service to him and the Kingdom. AS A SINGLE IN THE CHURCH, YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE TO BE A FAILURE. THE SINGLES‟ REGISTER A close study of the Bible reveals individuals who were single and solid for God‟s Kingdom. They never saw their singleness as a barrier or problem, rather, as an opportunity to wholeheartedly serve the Lord without anxiety or worry. • David - He was single and still got the anointing for Kingship, killed Goliath and had optimal intimacy with God before his marriage. • Mary, Martha and Lazarus were all single and yet lived their lives serving and glorifying God in the ministry of Jesus. • Joseph He was single yet he had a vision; lived in purity; overcame temptation and lived a successful life before marriage. • Daniel - He was single and he lived above compromise. He focused in his
career and became the best amongst his equals. • Timothy He was successful Minister single and was a of God who had quality friendship with sisters without pollution. He was a testimony in his generation. • Paul - He became the number one Apostle of his time and was a great epistle-writer. He arrived at the place of fulfilment, yet he was single. • John the Baptist - A single forerunner who understood the gift of singleness. • 90% of Jesus‟ disciples, i.e. The Chosen Twelve (12) were single and they sacrificed their lives to establish God‟s Kingdom. • Jesus himself lived 33 ½ year on earth and ascended to heaven as a single because he lived for a cause to which marriage would have been a distraction and an error. MARRIAGE IS GLORIOUS, BEAUTIFUL, MARVELLOUS, EXCITING, TREMENDOUS, MAJESTIC, SWEET AND ADVENTUROUS BUT SO ALSO IS SINGLENESS. SO ENJOY SINGLENESS BEFORE THE TRANSLATION INTO THE JOY OF MARRIAGE. For you to be able to enjoy your singleness before moving on to enjoy marriage to its fullest, wisdom must be in place and you must have adequate preparation. (Get my book “Single get ready to discover seven areas of preparation and how to make use of them.) Never mourn your Singleness because it has its purpose. IT IS BETTER TO BE SINGLE AND HOPING TO BE MARRIED THAN TO BE MARRIED AND PRAYING TO BE SINGLE. You need wisdom to have a successful single life and a glorious marital future. Come with me as we feast on “Wisdom Capsules” for divine empowerment. CHAPTER TWO CAPSULE ONE DON‟T ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE PUT UNDER PRESSURE We live in a world of pressure from peers, society, finance, family and many
more. However, we must pressures to affect not allow any of these us negatively. We must manage the pressure and deal with it before it deals with us. As a single person, you need not allow yourself to be pressurised into marriage just because everyone around you seems to be getting married. You must understand that God deals with everyone in His Kingdom individually and uniquely. IF YOU APPEAR BEFORE YOUR TIME, YOU WILL DISAPPEAR. So, don‟t move ahead of God! Ignore all pressures from family and others and WAIT ON GOD and His divine timing because God makes all things beautiful in His time. If you marry outside your divine timing, your marriage will lack the divinely ordained beauty - so RELAX and God‟s grace will see you through. CAPSULE TWO GUYS SHOULD NOT LEAD LADIES ON WITH WRONG IMPRESSION. God has created the male and female with different emotional capabilities. Guys are logical beings while ladies are emotional beings. A man will be logical first before he allows emotion while a woman will be emotional first before allowing logic. Bearing this in mind, guys should be wise and honest in the manner which they handle friendship and relationship with ladies. When a guy acts in some particular ways without clarity, transparency or frankness, a lady might get a wrong impression as to the real intention of such a guy towards her. Don‟t give the impression that you are interested by your gestures and attitudes only to use your mouth to say otherwise because your action speaks. LET YOUR IMPRESSIONS BE A TRUE PICTURE OF YOUR INTENTION WITHOUT CONFLICT. CAPSULE THREE LET EVERY RELATIONSHIP BE DEFINED TO OVERCOME DISTORTION A relationship not well-defined is like two people winking to each other in the
dark only to come into the light with the expectation that they got each other‟s message. God has made provision for friendship between guys and ladies on the foundation of PURITY. However, failure to properly define any relationship whereby you can operate in unity of spirit, may give room to assumptions and distortions which, unfortunately, have marred friendship between the opposite sexes in the Church today. An undefined relationship is a dangerous relationship that has numerous disadvantages. It is unwise to remain in a relationship that has no definition. Assumption is the lowest level of knowledge. So avoid assumption; get definition. CAPSULE FOUR IT IS THE MAN‟S RESPONSIBILITY TO PROPOSE, SO A LADY SHOULD NOT ASSUME SUCH RESPONSIBILITY. God is the author of relationships and His Word is the final authority on the principles and rules for successful relationship. Proverbs 18:22 says, “HE THAT FINDS A WIFE...” revealing that it is the man‟s responsibility to find and to propose. Any man who is not bold enough to propose to you is not man enough to „husband‟ you. Likewise, any lady who proposes to a man has violated divine order and only cheapens herself. Ladies should place value on themselves and not allow anxiety to lead them into error. Guys should also be bold enough to declare their convictions. God‟s Word has set the precedent and we see that all through the bible the man goes for the woman and not vice versa. Any civilisation outside God‟s Word is an error. In the Western world, some people believe that there is nothing wrong in a lady proposing but that is contrary to God‟s revealed order. CAPSULE FIVE A LADY SHOULD NOT YIELD TO A PROPOSAL OUT OF FEAR OR SYMPATHY. Anyone you yield to out of fear, you will live with such a person in fear. To yield to a marriage proposal due to fear is to enrol for a life of perpetual misery and
torment. Fear is not of God and where perfect love is fear flees. Marriage is not a ministry, an orphanage, or a therapy centre; hence, you need to overcome the emotional temptation of yielding to someone‟s proposal out of sympathy. You should only yield to a marriage proposal because you KNOW it is God‟s will and not because of any other reason. Fear is an emotion and should not be allowed. You should never allow yourself to be intimidated or anipulated into a relationship contrary to God‟s will and your desire. CAPSULE SIX A GUY SHOULD NOT BE HELD RANSOM BY THE COMMON STATEMENT “I‟M STILL PRAYING” When a guy proposes to a lady and she has neither a foreknowledge nor conviction to accept the proposal, it is her responsibility to go to God in prayer for confirmation. If the lady‟s stand and communion with God is okay, that prayer needn‟t take too long to be answered. However, many ladies have used the statement “I‟m still praying” to hold their suitors to ransom when the truth is that they are still double-minded and afraid to make commitment due to carnal insecurity. When some ladies tell you they are still praying, what they really mean is that they are still consulting friends or they are still waiting to see if your status/class will change because they don‟t like what they see, yet are not willing to make sacrifices to help change it. A brother waited for three years to get an answer to his proposal from a lady who claimed to still be praying only to be disappointed. That is not wisdom on his part because any lady that needs to hear from her Father definitely has a problem with her relationship with God and is not ready for marriage. Let your yea be yea and your nay be nay because some ladies have missed their miracle through the use of this formula. CAPSULE SEVEN NEVER „BOX‟ GOD. A man‟s mentality and mindset is so powerful that it can place a limit on the
effect of God and His Word in his life. As a single Christian, you must acknowledge that you don‟t own your life but God does; so you should not dictate to God about when, how and where He should choose to do His will. - THE PERSON I WILL MARRY WILL BE RICH - I MUST MARRY THIS YEAR - THE LADY MUST BE THE ONE TO LURE ME - THE PERSON MUST BE FROM MY OWN CHURCH - I MUST MARRY WITHIN MY LOCAL GOVERNMENT OR BRANCH ETC. These are merely some examples of the many funny ideas some singles have and which could bring hindrances to God‟s work in their lives. You cannot tell God what to do but wisdom demands that you trust God‟s decision-making ability because what He prepares for you will always be more than you can ever have on your own and the future will be secure. LET GO AND LET GOD HAVE HIS WAY! CAPSULE EIGHT A BROKEN ENGAGEMENT OR COURTSHIP IS NOT DIVORCE. The word „engagement‟ is used for the period between the time two people agree to be husband and wife and the time they actually become so on the wedding day. These two people go through a transition period called „courtship‟ so as to get well acquainted and to prepare for bliss together. However, due to lack of balanced knowledge, some have sheepishly entered into a marriage covenant with someone they have discovered to be evil just because they don‟t want to be seen as someone who has a broken courtship or because they want to please people. To break a courtship due to any destructive discovery is wise and godly because that is one of the purposes of courtship i.e. to discover and discern the reality of your partner.
However, this is not an excuse for carnal and undisciplined singles to jump from one relationship to the other all in the name of incompatibility. It is better to break an evil relationship with a dangerous future and disappoint people than to be in an abusive/sorrowful marriage with secret frustration. Be wise! CAPSULE NINE YOU HAVE ONLY ONE SINGLE LIFE TO LIVE Every Christian single must make the most of his/her single life because they cannot be a youth or single twice. No man has the second chance to give a first impression. Likewise, no single Christian has a rehearsal period for their single life. Every day is action and for real. If the period of singleness is abused or misused, it could lead to a life of frustration. God wants you to enjoy where you are on the way to where you‟re going but don‟t get involved in any act or things that will jeopardise your function. Many married people today wish they had another opportunity to be single so that they could do right what they did wrong and avoid their past mistakes. They are going through secret frustrations and enduring marriage instead of enjoying it with peace, but they don‟t appreciate what they have until they lose but my prayer for you is: MAY YOU NOT LOSE WHAT YOU HAVE BEFORE YOU APPRECIATE IT. CAPSULE TEN GET YOUR WEAPONS READY BEFORE THE DAY OF BATTLE Nobody wins a battle by manufacturing their weapons on the battlefield. Wise men gather their weapons and prepare for war. Even though marriage is not a battle ground, neither, does God expect it to be a war; marriage still has its own challenges. Such challenges can only be overcome by the „weapons‟ gathered during the period of singleness. These „weapons‟ vary from maturity to the marital success pillars. Don‟t wait until marriage to acquire maturity or secure the pillars. Get them before marriage and grow in them through marriage or else there will be chaos in the future (Lk. 14:28-32). CAPSULE ELEVEN
DON‟T SUBMIT OR COMMIT YOURSELF TO WHAT YOU HAVE NOT TESTED. Many singles due to impatience and anxiety have committed themselves to people they don‟t really know, only to regret later. The period of courtship is for this purpose exactly because then you‟ll be able to know your degree of compatibility with your intended partner. David refused to face Goliath with the warriors‟ armour because he had not tested it but when he used the sling he was used to, by the power of experience, he got the victory. (1 Sam. 17) You have to be able to test-prove your partner to ascertain their genuineness of interest, the level of spiritual growth and maturity, their love and commitment to God and the things of the kingdom etc. It is not all that glitter that is gold so TEST ALL SPIRITS BECAUSE THESE ARE THE LAST DAYS. CAPSULE TWELVE YOUR CONDUCT, LIFESTYLE, CHARACTER AND ATTITUDE MUST GLORIFY GOD. Our attitudes determine our altitudes and attainments in life. So, we must be careful and sensitive about what we say; what we wear; where we go; what we do; what we read; watch and listen to because we are not of this world. WE SHOULD HAVE CONTACT WITHOUT CONTAMINATION. Many singles have jeopardised the hope of a glorious future by living a wild life in the now. It has been said that the way you lay your bed is the way you will lie on it and anyone who pours water in his path will definitely walk on wet ground. (Matt 5:16). CAPSULE THIRTEEN DEVELOP A GOOD PERSONAL HYGIENE Godliness is said to proceed and produce cleanliness, and anyone who does not take time to treat issues on personal hygiene might end up in shame. A mouth odour can make you lose a job interview. A wrong attitude to personal hygiene can affect your health while a dirty way of living can affect your
relationship. As a single Christian, you must take time to work on yourself and ensure you have excellent and good grooming always. Most marriages today have troubles that can be traced to nonchalance on the part of one of them to the issue of personal hygiene. Pimple is not Accounting. Rashes are neither sanctification nor body/armpit/mouth odour a sign of spirituality. We must take good care of the temple so that the Holy Spirit will abide in a palatial temple and not a slum. CAPSULE FOURTEEN TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR APPEARANCE Note the following statements that I‟m inspired to share with you: - First impression lasts long and is difficult to change - You don‟t have a second chance to give a first impression - People see you before they hear you - What you wear and the way appear determine a lot of thing about your progress in life - The way you dress determines the way you will be addressed. As a single, you should recognise that you are God‟s temple, and therefore take care of your appearance. Your dressing must not be outdated, unkempt, ragged or shoddy. It must be a balance of a corporate outlook and modesty. Don‟t dress and appear in a way that attracts disfavour. Always dress and appear to attract favour. Joseph showed and prepared himself before appearing in Pharaoh‟s palace. Dress for your next level and not your past or present level. CAPSULE FIFTEEN NEVER MARRY AN UNBELIEVER AND BE CURSED Many people have opened their eyes and consciously entered into marriage covenant with people outside the Kingdom with the deception of changing them after marriage. The power to save a soul is not in any man or woman but in God alone, and one must know that to marry an unbeliever is to have Satan as a father-in-law. Some people even have the idea that some unbelievers are nice and caring but I want you to know that THERE IS NO NICE DEVIL. Testimonies abound of people who have married unbelievers and are regretting
today. A young lady started going out with an unbeliever with the deceptive excuse that brothers were boring, but she ended up with an unwanted pregnancy. Today she is a single parent and waiting to get married to Mr. Right. She is now well above thirty. Don‟t wait to have a terrible experience before you learn righteousness LEARN FROM THE EXPERIENCE OF OTHERS. CAPSULE SIXTEEN NEVER PLAN ON CONVERTING SOMEONE SO AS TO MARRY THEM Just like a chicken or bird is being fed only to be caged, some single Christians evangelise to someone just to bring them into the Church for their own selfish and carnal plot to later marry them. Many guys and ladies have brought people to church under the disguise of soulwinning as young converts, only to manifest their hidden agenda. A deceptive means cannot lead to a divine end. We should hence watch the foundations we build relationship on because THERE WILL BE A SHAKING. Anything that starts in rebellion will end up in confusion like the Tower of Babel and whatever God does not ordain, he will sustain. Let‟s DO IT RIGHT! (Prov. 14:12). CAPSULE SEVENTEEN DON‟T BE IN A RUSH TO GET MARRIED Some people marry too early only to have regrets in their marriage and go through secret frustrations. Singles should give room for the courtship stage so that they can know each other well and start the process of adaptation. Hastiness and impatience are always signs of uncertainty and immaturity and they lead to an unhappy ending. Most marriages have problem today due to inadequate preparation. Single people mostly don‟t realise the responsibilities and demands that follow marriage, hence they enter only to face an unexpected reality. For more insight into the preparation required before marriage, get my book „Singles Get Ready‟.
If you RUSH INTO MARRIAGE, YOU MAY RUSH OUT. CAPSULE EIGHTEEN AVOID TOO SHORT OR TOO LONG A COURTSHIP When two people are in love, they are sometimes blind to reality and deaf to sound counsel. However, he that has ears should hear and heed the voice of the Spirit. SHORT COURTSHIP IS DANGEROUS SO ALSO IS TOO LONG A COURTSHIP. There must be a balance. To meet someone and rush into marriage shortly afterwards, like say within three months may lead to disaster when reality dawns. To also court between a range of five and fifteen years is also an open door and invitation to trouble materially, emotionally and otherwise. My personal counsel is that courtship should not be less than six months and should not be more than two years. No matter how long you court someone, you can never fully know and understand everything about him/her. There are things you will never know about your partner until you both get married and live together. Some singles court for too long because they started too early and some court for short time because they started too late so let there be balance. CAPSULE NINETEEN DON‟T MEDITATE OR DWELL ON YOUR SINGLENESS Many look and appear older than their age because they spend too much time on fear, worry and anxiety. No matter your age and the circumstances surrounding you, keep praying and trusting God for breakthrough. It‟s not over until it is over. DON‟T WORRY ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN CHANGE - CHANGE IT. DON‟T WORRY ABOUT WHAT YOU CANNOT CHANGE - TRUST GOD. Don‟t rehearse your situations and challenges. Disperse them so that God can reverse them. To dwell or meditate on your singleness is to allow worry and anxiety magnify your real state and make it appear bigger than God. GOD IS BIGGER THAN YOUR PROBLEM. Why worry when you can pray? Nobody has been able to miraculously attract a spouse with anxiety and worry, so if worrying cannot change your status, why not choose to be happy and enjoy where you are on your way to where you are going. NEVER MOURN YOUR SINGLENESS BECAUSE YOUR PRESENT STATE IS NOT YOUR FINAL STATUS.
CAPSULE TWENTY DON‟T MARRY UNDER WAVE OF SEXUAL PASSION Sex is part of marriage but marriage is more than sex. To allow sexual passion be your motivation for marriage is to allow your emotion lead you rather than the Spirit. Also, you are bound to mistake your lust for the real thing - LOVE. The bible says we should be led by the Spirit of God and not by the physique of men or else we are inviting trouble and building on sinking sand. Many people have allowed infatuation and lust to lead them into a relationship only to discover that they have been wrongly led. Intimacy is more than sex. Seminar intimacy cannot be achieved in any relationship without spiritual and emotional intimacy being in place. Before you allow sexual passion delude you, look out for spiritual and emotional flow because they both determine the end product of your passion. CAPSULE TWENTY ONE DON‟T MARRY TO SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM In marriage one plus one equals one, to produce a whole marriage. But half plus half or half plus one equals to imbalance. A man who marries because he has a problem with lust is in for a shocking surprise, because marriage will only further turn you loose. Anyone who has problem with lust should deal with it and overcome it before getting married. Sisters should not get married just because they have problems with their households because marriage is not an escape route from domestic problems neither is it a hospital for treating sicknesses. Many people have allowed themselves to be caged because they wrongly entered a relationship but ended up being caged. IF YOU MARRY TO SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM YOU MIGHT BE EXCHANGING ONE SET OF PROBLEM FOR ANOTHER. God expects you to marry for positive reasons and not by negative motivations. CAPSULE TWENTY-TWO DO NOT EXPECT MARRIAGE TO AUTOMATICALLY MAKE YOU HAPPY Many people enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations only to be
frustrated after some time. God expects you to be whole and happy with yourself before marriage. That is one of the purposes of the single stage - to equip you so that you will find true peace and fulfilment in Christ. If you are not happy before marriage, you cannot be happy because of marriage. Don‟t expect of marriage what it is not primarily designed for because the joy, peace and happiness of marriage can only be experienced by those who enter it with joy, peace and happiness. THE WAY YOU LIVE YOUR SINGLE STAGE DETERMINES THE WAY YOU ENTER INTO MARRIAGE. Marriage is a vacuum and it is what you bring into it that will fill it. If you both come in unhappy, you will have an unhappy marriage. Marriage does not give you what you want but it gives you who you are. CAPSULE TWENTY-THREE DON‟T MARRY A STATUS, SYMBOL, IMAGE OR A TITLE. God ordained marriage to take place between a man and a woman and not a man and an image or a woman and a title. - I plan to marry because she is from a rich family. - I will marry him because he is a Bishop and I will be a first lady in his ministry - She was the Beauty Queen of a popular pageant - He is a top soccer star etc. These are just examples of reasons why not to marry anyone. God expects you to marry a person not an image, status or title because people are always different outside this public images and title. CHECK IN, NOT OUT. Things are not always the way they seem and most of the time people are different in their private life from what they are in public .After the shows, the performance and the acting, the real person goes home and that is what you really are. It‟s wise to look before you leap. CAPSULE TWENTY-FOUR AVOID EVIL UNION DUE TO A PERVERTED LIFESTYLE All over the world today, immorality and unrighteousness have become a normal way of life and this tide has subtly crept into the Church. When God ordained marriage, it was to be a heterosexual union. Neither homosexuality nor
lesbianism had a place in His original plan. But today we see homosexuality and lesbianism becoming accepted way of life by a deceived people, group and society. You cannot know about a product more than the manufacturer; and to operate a product contrary to the instructions on the manual is an error. God is the Author of marriage and the Bible is His manual. Thus, anything contrary to the Word of God is an error, so don‟t yield to the evil of a perverted lifestyle - SEEK DELIVERANCE FROM SUCH EVIL DESIRES. Homosexuality, lesbianism, bestiality, incest etc. are all contrary to God‟s divine order. It takes negative and positive to produce power; so also it takes male and female to produce fruit. Put your LIFE IN ORDER. CAPSULE TWENTY-FIVE HANDLE AGE DIFFERENCE WITH WISDOM AND MATURITY A close study of the Bible reveals that the man is usually older than the woman he marries. This is a general trend all through the Bible. However, it is not a sin for a man to marry a lady older than he is or for a lady to marry a man younger than she is. Marriage with reversed age difference requires wisdom and maturity to pay the price and abide by the rules of such union. Don‟t seek or set your mind on having such reversed marriage. But if it happens, go ahead as long as you are sure you can handle it. I can give testimonies of reversed marriages where everything is working fine and I can also give cases of reversed marriages filled with regrets and frustrations; so allow God to be the final decisive factor. One major thing to watch out for is not marrying someone older than you as a man that you can‟t husband or someone younger than you as a woman that you can‟t submit to. CAPSULE TWENTY-SIX DO NOT MARRY SOMEONE WHO PROMISES TO CHANGE AFTER. Anyone you meet as an adult with negative traits and who promises to change after marriage is a devil in disguise. If they have not changed all through their growth stage before you met them; if they have not changed all through their years of serving God and going to Church, then for them to claim they will
change after marriage is a deception. SOMEONE THAT GOD HAS NOT BEEN ABLE TO BREAK AND CHANGE CANNOT BE CHANGED BY MARRIAGE. However, you should discern people‟s sincerity because some people only get to discover their weaknesses and hidden evil traits during their courtship through their partner, because no one has ever been open and close enough to make them realise it. CHANGE IS A PROCESS BUT DISCERNMENT MUST BE IN PLACE TO UNVEIL DECEPTION AND HYPOCRISY. CAPSULE TWENTY-SEVEN DO NOT MARRY AN EXTREMELY JEALOUS PERSON Jealousy is a seed that chokes the peace, joy and harmony that should exist in any relationship. It is a negative attitude that makes you grasp at what you have beyond limit. A jealous partner or spouse can steal, kill and destroy because they are under a demonic influence. MARRIAGE SHOULD NOT BE A CAGE OR BONDAGE, SO OPEN YOUR EYES WIDE. A young lady got engaged to a guy who had insecurity problem. He was extremely jealous to the extent that his fiancée could not talk to anybody of the opposite sex alone, not even her pastor that is already a married man. On numerous occasions, the guy has beaten her seriously that she spent days in the hospital. It took time for her to make up her mind to break free from the abusive relationship even though the guy did not want to let her go. CAPSULE TWENTY-EIGHT DO NOT MARRY AN EXTREMELY ENVIOUS PERSON. Envy like jealousy is an evil seed and it is a negative drive that makes someone to long for what others have. An envious woman will pressure your life to live and operate above your ability while an envious man will not be focused but have diffused thoughts. Avoid and destroy these negative traits and attitude with prayer before marriage or else what you fail to deal with will deal with you. Envy begins when you focus on others more than yourself. That makes you concentrate more on what is going on in their lives while ignoring the progress in yours too.
Envy is so destructive that there have been cases of wives becoming envious of their husband‟s progress and vice versa. This sounds strange but it is a sad reality. CAPSULE TWENTY- NINE NATIONALITY, CULTURE AND RACE SHOULD NOT BE OVEREMPHASISED. In Christ Jesus we are one big family and Christianity has nothing to do with tribalism or racism. A single Christian can marry from any Nation, race or culture as long as it is God‟s will for such Christian. However, Inter-Cultural marriages require maturity in the way it is handled and wisdom in its operation. These are two factors which make victory possible. If maturity and wisdom are absent, inter-cultural marriage can cause commotion in future. It is very important that you get to know more about the culture of your partner so as to know how to blend things. No party should try to exalt his /her race; nation or culture above that of their partner, but both parties should respect and appreciate their diversities - using it positively instead of turning the relationship into a racial, tribal or cultural war zone. CAPSULE THIRTY CHOICE OF PARTNER SHOULD BE BASED ON SPIRITUAL AND NOT PHYSICAL REASONS. Man is limited by many factors while God is unlimited, because He knows the end from the beginning. When we make choices due to physical reasons, we will end up disappointed because physical things change with time, i.e. they are ephemeral. A poor man today may be rich tomorrow, while a rich man today may become a struggler tomorrow. If we make our choices and decision based on divine leading, God will take care of the physical and make it pleasing to us. A man had problem in his marriage after many years because he married his wife due to her physical feature and firm breast, but after four issues and many stages she lost the shape and the breasts lost the firmness - then trouble started. He now started planning to marry another younger lady who definitely will become obsolete to him some years to come. LOOK IN AND NOT OUT ALONE.
CAPSULE THIRTY- ONE MARRIAGE CONNECTION CAN HAPPEN ANYWHERE Activity is a killer of sensitivity but when sensitivity is in place, revelation will flow. We must not limit God to believe that we will meet our partner in a particular place. Some meet in church programmes; some in the office, some through the phone and others through friends etc. The list abounds but we must be sensitive and open because we can meet the desired partner anywhere and there will be a divine click. Our attitude to people we meet in our day to day life must be positive so that we do not miss our miracle. Be expectant and sensitive: · When going to Church or from Church · When going to work or from work · When going to the shopping mall · When going to the train station or in the train · Visiting a friend or attending a meeting · Visiting the hospital or strolling out etc. IT CAN HAPPEN ANYWHERE! CAPSULE THIRTY - TWO AVOID BEING A LIABILITY TO YOUR PARTNER Marriage is for two people who love each other and are willing to be a blessing to each other. However, nobody wants to marry a liability. Gone are the days when ladies stayed jobless and visionless just because they hoped to marry and become the responsibility of a man. Ladies should place a value on themselves and secure all they can before marriage. You can only attract who you are and nothing more. Get ready to be a blessing so that you can attract someone who will be a blessing. There is an evil move now among some guys who are idling and lazing around with the hope of getting a rich lady who will take care of them. To allow yourself to be caught in the wave is to drown and never rise again. CAPSULE THIRTY - THREE DON‟T LET THE RELATIONSHIP MOVE TOO FAST AT ITS INFANT STAGE When two people are in love, there is a tendency for them to get carried away
and end up committing themselves to what they have not duly tested. Relationships should move precept upon precept to give room for gradual growths and stability. The infant stage should be used more for foundation laying. To take a relationship to a level you are not prepared for is to bite more than you can chew. And funny enough, no one will help you chew it. Take your time and allow things flow normally without any emotional or lustful catalyst. Some single ladies have rushed things and become pregnant to discover the guy is a married man. Some single guys have rushed things only to get hooked to a freshly retired prostitute with multiple strangers. CAPSULE THIRTY-FOUR DON‟T DISCUSS YOUR PERSONAL INADEQUACIES AND FLAWS IN THE EARLY STAGE OF THE RELATIONSHIP. This is not wisdom for deception but wisdom for solidifying a relationship. Let your partner understand your person and accept you as you are before you start divulging your inadequacies and flaws. If the early stage of the relationships is used to share your inadequacies and flaws, you will scare away your partner with the pressure of your problem. Everybody has his/her own problems, and not many will want to shoulder the extra load of others. Marriage is not a ministry but an Institution. Ministry is where two broken people come together seeking for treatment. Let‟s apply the Jesus formula. He first tells us what he has for us in order to motivate us before he tells us the price to pay to get it. If you start a relationship on negative news, you will not motivate but deflate your partner. Ascertain the richness and maturity of your partner before releasing vital information. However, it must not be too early or too late. CAPSULE THIRTY-FIVE GIVE EACH OTHER BREATHING SPACE When people are in courtship, they sometimes allow the joy and excitement of a new relationship to lead them into making silly moves, and funny decisions.
Singles in courtship need to spend time with each other to get to know each other. However, visitations should be properly planned and managed so that they don‟t become bored with each other. There must be balance in the life of singles in courtship to avoid extremes. - Reserved and Cautious Singles - Desperate and needy Singles These are two extremes that should be avoided. Everybody needs time alone with themselves and we must respect and appreciate this in our partners without feeling rejected and unwanted. Just as you need time alone, so also your partner needs time alone. CAPSULE THIRTY-SIX HANDLE CONFLICTS WITH CARE In every genuine and true friendship, there are times of conflicts. It may be conflicts of ideas, opinions or otherwise, but no matter what, conflicts must not be allowed to stain pure friendship. Conflicts should be handled with love, maturity and forgiveness. Sometimes you may have to disagree to agree and misunderstand to understand. The ability to resolve conflict without blowing up is a major quality of a healthy relationship. Where there is no conflict resolution and maturity, the relationship will always encounter problems. Conflicts are not always a licence for break up, because if every relationship in life breaks up due to conflicts then only God knows how many relationships will still exist today. In your marriage, friendship, business, parental relationship etc. conflicts and storms will come. The way you handle them determine whether you will come out either bitter or better. CAPSULE THIRTY-SEVEN DON‟T EXPECT SOMEONE TO MEET ALL YOUR NEEDS There is a place in the heart of man that only God can occupy, and we should rid ourselves of unrealistic expectations in order to avoid frustration. Expecting a man or woman to meet all your spiritual, physical, financial, material, social, psychological and emotional needs is an evil dream and a
mirage. Such expectations only lead to frustrations. You should focus more on how you can meet the needs of your partner and not the other way round. Never expect your partner to do what only the Holy Spirit and God can do. If your wife needs a kiss, she doesn‟t need the Holy Ghost. But if she needs emotional healing and spiritual comfort, she needs the Holy Ghost not you. CAPSULE THIRTY-EIGHT MAINTAIN A BALANCE BETWEEN DEPENDENCE AND INDEPENDENCE In life, there are things we depend on people for and things we are all independent about. You might depend on someone to cook for you but you cannot depend on them to feed you. You might depend on people to provide water for you but you cannot depend on them to bathe you. In all relationships and courtships, there are things we depend on each other for, but we must balance dependence and independence to avoid error. You can depend on a man to assist your spiritual growth but you can‟t depend on him to determine your spiritual state. You can depend on a woman to assist your ministry, but you cannot depend on her to give you direction on how to run the vision because that is God‟s work as the Giver of the vision. I have seen many people make a shipwreck of their lives due to lack of balance in this area. CAPSULE THIRTY-NINE GUARD AGAINST SELFISHNESS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS Man is naturally selfish due to the human nature but as Christians, we should allow the life of God to flow through us so as to manifest the traits of the Spirit in all we do and in our relationships. No relationship can be joyous if one of the parties is selfish because selfishness destroys love and harmony. Selflessness and sacrifice are essential keys to successful relationship which selfishness pollutes. If you are only in a relationship to get from your partner, then you have a problem with selfishness. Many people are frustrated in relationships because they go in to get and not to give, only to discover that their partner also came in
to get and not to give. Hence, they both have nothing to offer. You can only attract your kind - SELAH! CAPSULE FORTY BEWARE OF WAVING ASIDE WARNING SIGNALS It has been said that love is blind, and this statement even though wrong seems to be true in the life of young lovers. When two people are in love with each other, they tend to be blind to reality. When they see signals of evil tendencies in their partners, they tend to wave them away as unimportant only to regret in future. If you wave away warning signals, you are inviting trouble for the future. Follow SIGNALS TO DISCOVER HIDDEN THINGS. If you perceive the smell of cigarette or beer, don‟t wave it away as impossible. Ask questions and verify things for clarification. A young lady came to one of our singles outreaches and heard me speak on this issue. She went back to ask questions about some signals she had earlier waved away. She discovered that her full-time lover is not with her full time because he already had a wife but only wanted her so that he could use her while the wife was still away. You never know what you miss when you ignore prompting. CAPSULE FORTY-ONE DON‟T MARRY THE PERSON YOU THINK YOU CAN LIVE WITH. MARRY THE PERSON YOU THINK YOU CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT. When you discover God‟s will for you in marriage, make sure your passion for God‟s will is greater than every negative thought or imagination. Don‟t settle for anything less than the best of God for you because marriage is not to be endured but enjoyed and your spouse should not be a pressure but a pleasure to you. You need to realise that once you enter marriage, you cannot change your mind again; and it is not a one-night stand or a one-year excursion but a life-time journey. So LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP. Give your passions and desire a test of time before embarking on the journey because your commitment is for life. CAPSULE FORTY-TWO DON‟T BELIEVE NO ONE WANTS YOU
The way you see yourself is the way you will become. We must outlook of ourselves. therefore have positive There is something in and about you that makes someone else desire your friendship and love; so to believe no one loves you is a Satanic deception, because I know two people who love you: God loves you, and I love you enough to share this with you. It‟s time for you to build a strong self-esteem and stop comparing yourself with anyone. You are so unique that anyone who ignores you can never duplicate you or find another you. No one on earth has your finger prints. No one can do what only you can do. Rejoice! The world does not only want you, they need you. CAPSULE FORTY-THREE SEXUAL FAMILIARITY BEFORE ARRIAGE CAN BE VERY DEADLY Sexual Immorality and perversion has surprisingly become a major problem in the church especially among youths. Engagement is not a guarantee for sexual familiarity. Sexual familiarity like kissing, necking, snuffing, romance, erotic contacts, fondling and actual sex is ungodly and destructive outside marriage. Even hugging can be very dangerous under some circumstances. God created sex to be enjoyed within the confines of marriage and anything outside that is evil and attracts divine consequences. KEEP YOURSELF PURE AND YOUR BED UNDEFILED. Many people have had their dreams shattered and their lives shattered due to pre-marital sex. You cannot eat your cake and have it. So, before you disobey God next time, think of the consequences of the act. CAPSULE FORTY-FOUR CHECK YOUR ASSUMPTIONS BEFORE COMMITMENT Assumption is the lowest level of knowledge. When we assume, our knowledge is on zero level. Don‟t assume things without verifying for assurance before marital commitment. You have to be sure of the following: - Do you want children and how many? - How do you relate with in-laws? - Will there be any squatters in your home?
- Where will you both settle i.e. house location? - Where will be your place of worship? etc. DON‟T EVER ASSUME. BE SURE! “He should know” and “she should know” always equals to “no” and “knows”. So refuse assumptions. A man got married and assumed that the wife wanted children only to discover few years later that she has been using pills without his knowledge. CAPSULE FORTY-FIVE BROTHERS AVOID CANOPY MINISTRY Jesus rebuked the Pharisees because they waited at the gate of the Kingdom without going in, and they also hindered those that wanted to go in. Some brothers have taken it upon themselves the Canopy Ministry; standing as fence to some Sisters, all in the name of brotherly care. They operate like mafias and hinder such sisters from being exposed to wholesome relationships that will bless them. They monopolise the sister and also operate on an underserved possessiveness of the sister‟s time even though they have no formal relationship or intention to marry such sister. Although it is okay for brothers to shield the sisters from church wolves who claim to be brothers but have a deadly mission; it should not be taken to the extreme. Ladies too should remove these canopies from their heads so that they can convert to wholesome relationships. May your bodyguard not become your prison warden! CAPSULE FORTY-SIX AVOID THE DOUBLE DATING SPIRIT It is unfortunately true that some single Christians have allowed some worldly and devilish wisdom to operate in them. To date two people at the same time with the plan of choosing the more suitable is an ungodly and demonic attitude. It is a sign of insecurity and spiritual shallowness. To have more than one man/woman in your life at a time is prostitution. Single Christians should trust God absolutely and operate on God‟s pattern for victory. Double dating is a dangerous game that has negative consequences. (Jn. 1:8) DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WANT TO BE DONE UNTO YOU. How will you feel if you suddenly discover that the person you‟re giving your total commitments to is having someone else apart from you? Selah.
CAPSULE FORTY-SEVEN CELEBRATE EACH OTHER Those in courtship should learn to celebrate each other at every opportunity especially in the public. When you have located your partner, God expects you to be proud of them and celebrate them. You should not be ashamed of yourselves before people. If your partner is ashamed of you in public, it is an evil signal. If your partner is not proud to introduce you to people who are close to him/her, it is an evil signal. Be sensitive and celebrate yourselves. What you celebrate always appreciate in value and celebrating your partners gives them joy and makes them blossom. Never put yourselves down in public or correct your partner in public. It demeans them. Nobody wants to be around someone who never appreciates them or see good things in them. To keep attracting your partner, keep celebrating them. CAPSULE FORTY-EIGHT DON‟T ALLOW PEOPLE‟S OPINIONS TO SHAPE YOUR PERCEPTION OF YOURSELF God‟s Word reveals to us who we are and how God sees us, and we have to believe God‟s Word and see ourselves as God sees us. Inferiority or superiority complex, low selfesteem etc. are errors that operate due to wrong self-perception. People‟s opinions about you must not determine the opinion of yourself. God‟s Word should be the determinant factor of your view. If someone says you are ugly, unattractive and awful, don‟t cry or mourn. That is his or her personal opinion. Rejoice because you are what God says you are. You may have done what they said you did, but you are not who they said you are. Nobody should be given enough power to determine how you see yourself, when you are happy and when you‟re sad. No matter what, choose to be happy. CAPSULE FORTY-NINE REMEMBER WEDDING IS ONE DAY BUT MARRIAGE IS FOR A LIFETIME The Church today has allowed ceremony to take a front seat of prominence, and this has affected people‟s view and preparation on certain issues like marriage. Most people preparing for marriage spend more time, money, energy and
resources on planning for wedding day which is only for a day than they prepare for the actual marriage which is for a lifetime. Some people have done things in their wedding that they ended up regretting when marriage properly began. Prepare for a life of bliss together and not just one day of fantasy only to face harsh realities later. YOUR PREPARATION DETERMINES YOUR APPEARING AND REMAINING. CAPSULE FIFTY CUT YOUR COAT ACCORDING TO YOUR MATERIAL It has been said that people cut their coat according to their size, but experience has revealed that some people‟s sizes are bigger than the material at their disposal. Hence, they enter into unnecessary debt and financial bondage. Some subtle devourers have been allowed into people‟s lives because of some unscriptural idols. - MUST YOU WEAR A WEDDING GOWN? - MUST YOU PRINT EXPENSIVE INVITATION CARD? - MUST YOU FEED BATTALIONS OF PEOPLE? etc. Many people are not married today because of money. When they think of the money for gowns and suits, invitation card, reception etc., they cave in and delay themselves. It‟s time for us to rise up and be ourselves so that pressure will not push us into financial cage. CAPSULE FIFTY-ONE DEVELOP SCRIPTURAL UNDERSTANDING ABOUT MARRIAGE. A great percentage of youths and singles in the church have a lot of unscriptural and deceptive understanding and view about marriage. This is greatly affected by their upbringing, exposure (films they watch and the books they read) and their environment (what they see around). For every single Christian who wants a successful marriage, he or she must search the scriptures to discover for himself or herself and know the following things with conviction. • Origin of marriage
• Purpose of marriage • Roles in marriage • How to seek and find a partner • Divine order in marriage • How to prepare for marriage etc. YOU CANNOT SUCCEED IN WHAT YOU DON‟T UNDERSTAND. Marriage is ordained of God. Only God can teach you what marriage is all about. CAPSULE FIFTY-TWO DISPEL THE MYTHS THAT SURROUND MARRIAGE Myths are stories, concepts, fictions, ideas and beliefs passed down from one generation to the other. Myths about marriage are mostly wrong and deceptive. Therefore, single Christians should avoid them and base their belief on the Word of God rather than the opinions, ideas and stories of man. MARRIAGE IS SCRIPTURAL NOT TRADITIONAL. Let us see five myths to avoid (CAPSULE 53-57) When people hold on to myths and wrong philosophies, it sets them up for frustration, because myths produce unrealistic and wrong expectations. Until you dispel some myths, your expectations will continue to be wrong and unrealistic. CAPSULE FIFTY-THREE LOVE CONQUERS ALL Many people have erroneously believed in the myth that “Love Conquers All” only to regret when reality strikes. Due to this myth, many people have failed to identify flaws in their partners that they need to correct prayerfully or adapt to lovingly. Every single Christian must know that marriage is more than love so you must KNOW your partner because there are many things that can destroy a marriage even though there is love. - Poverty can kill love - Abuse can kill love - Promiscuity and immorality can kill love - Oppositions that persist can kill love - Secret can kill love etc. The list is endless. Let this be settled “LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH” CAPSULE FIFTY-FOUR
MARRYING GOD‟S WILL GUARANTEES A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE This is another myth that has deceived people and hindered them from standing guard against the wicked. Adam and Eve were God‟s will for each other but when they gave ground to the enemy, they failed. Isaac and Rebekah were God‟s will for each other, but selfishness divided their home because they gave room to the devil. Marrying God‟s choice for your life is not an antidote for problems and challenges if not well handled. You must work to make your marriage successful and build it by God‟s wisdom because there is nothing like accidental success. Every marriage will face challenges, whether it is God‟s will or not. If it is God‟s will, it means your marriage will face greater challenges due to satanic attack. Marrying God‟s will is the foundation for victory but it takes wisdom to make the victory a reality. YOUR MARRIAGE IS WITH YOU; MAKE IT TO BE. CAPSULE FIFTY-FIVE LET GOD TAKE CONTROL Many people have arrived at the Island of Frustration in different areas of their lives including marriage because of this myth. God cannot take control of what he has empowered you to control. God can provide you with a car but you must do the driving. To leave the steering for God to control is to invite death. God can provide you food to eat, but you must do the eating yourself. In all areas of life, God has a part and we also have a part because it takes a union of divinity and humanity to produce testimony. In all relationship, do what you can do. Control what you can control and God will do and control what you cannot control. Never continue in any relationship you are not in control of e.g. occult relationship, lustful and immoral relationship etc. Take charge of your affairs by the wisdom of God and establish God‟s counsel as he has empowered you to do. CAPSULE FIFTY-SIX IF YOU MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON, THEY WILL MEET ALL YOUR EMOTIONAL NEEDS. This is a lie direct from the pit of hell. It is a myth that has stirred up unrealistic
expectations in the heart of people. NOBODY ON EARTH CAN MEET ALL YOUR NEEDS EXCEPT GOD. You have to go into a relationship with the plan to give love and fulfil your partner‟s desires; not plan to go in and get. Expecting someone to meet all your emotional needs and otherwise is a mirage. CAN YOU MEET ALL THE EMOTIONAL NEED OF YOUR PARTNER? To expect from man what only God can do is an error and will definitely lead to disappointment. There is no Mr. or Miss Perfect or Miss or Mrs. Right. You can only get them if you are one yourself. Remember, you can only attract your kind and people will treat you the way you treat yourself. CAPSULE FIFTY-SEVEN LET‟S HAVE A BABY TO BRING US CLOSER TO EACH OTHER. If your relationship or marriage is drifting apart, having a baby does not remedy the situation. This is a myth that should be dispelled because that is a wrong reason for having a baby. You don‟t use, you love them. THINGS ARE USED BUT PEOPLE ARE LOVED. Invite God to help you solve your problem instead of using your power and might. There are cases of people who have become pregnant for people so as to hook them and keep them but, it has mostly ended in shame and regret. CAPSULE FIFTY-EIGHT BE SURE YOU ARE ALL-ROUND READY AND MATURE FOR MARRIAGE BEFORE COMMENCING THE JOURNEY - I love him and I don‟t want to lose him; so let me marry now - If I don‟t hook him, I might lose him to someone else and I might not get someone like him - I will grow in the marriage and perfect all rough edges. These thought patterns are deceptive and dangerous because you don‟t have another opportunity after the decision is made. Many people have taken this route before but later wished they had been all round ready and mature. You
cannot get all round ready and mature completely before marriage, but be sure to have left the low level. Get full details of the seven areas of maturity and how to prepare for marriage in my book “Singles Get Ready”. CAPSULE FIFTY-NINE GET MATURITY ONE-SPIRITUAL To be spiritually mature is an essential ingredient for a successful married life and our single stage is designed to equip us with all the keys and weapons for spiritual maturity. To marry without spiritual maturity can be dangerous because of the enemy‟s attack on marriage. Spiritual maturity is a process, but the foundation is to have a salvation experience and to give prayer, the Word and church attendance a priority in one‟s life. To be spiritually set, you need the following: - Develop a scriptural understanding for marriage - Eradicate every myth and evil philosophy from your mind - Destroy every hindrance and both past, present and future progress. barriers through CAPSULE SIXTY GET MATURITY TWO-EMOTIONAL To enter into marriage without emotional maturity is to enrol for a life of instability and a marriage with external interference. Marriage is for men and not for boys. A man must be emotionally strong and balanced so as to be able to handle responsibility and rule the house. Marriage is also for women not for girls. A lady must be able to control her emotion and be emotionally balanced so as to be able to keep her marriage and build her home. AFTER MARRIAGE, YOU CAN‟T RUN BACK TO MUMMY OR DADDY.
Many singles have used their hands to destroy what they have laboured to build. They have become enemies to themselves due to emotional instability and immaturity. CAPSULE SIXTY-ONE GET MATURITY THREE-PHYSICAL Maturity does not come with age. It comes with the acceptance of responsibility. That is why marriage is meant for adults and not for kids. God planned marriage for MAN and WOMAN not for BOYS and GIRLS so it is important for people to attain to a level of physical maturity before considering marriage. Fixing any age bracket for physical maturity would be a myopic thing to do considering many factors. When you are physically mature for marriage, there will be peace from God for you to move into it. Physical maturity is something that will be so glaring and certified by people. God frowns at any form of relationship that involves children below marriageable age, no matter the culture or tradition that permits it. CAPSULE SIXTY-TWO GET MATURITY FOUR-SOCIAL Most single Christians are socially backward because they have failed to invest time, money, effort to develop themselves socially. You can be a spiritual giant and yet be socially inferior and backward. To be a Christian is not a hindrance to social enlightenment. Once modesty and morality is observed, social exposure is not a crime. - know the proper use of cutlery - know how to operate the telephone - learn how to use computer - learn how to knot a tie - learn how to cook variety of food etc. Sociality is not carnality. God expects us to be relevant to our generation and if we fail to be updated, we will become outdated. CAPSULE SIXTY-THREE
GET MATURITY FIVE - FINANCIAL Lack of financial maturity is the reason most people are not yet married and they have become Super Singles. This is so because of the economic However, situation especially in Nigeria. you must not wait to have everything before marriage. There must be a balance, because if you wait till the time of your wedding to get an accommodation, furnish it, get a car, buy gadgets etc., you might die of pressure. To be financially mature is: - to have a moderate accommodation - to have a regular source of income or a steady job - to be able to take care of the basic need of life i.e. both the man and the woman. If these things are in place, the two of you can pool resources together to move on into higher realms of comfort. The lady as well should have a source of income and not be a liability. To marry without a house of your own or a job is to enrol for shame and frustration FAITH IS QUITE DIFFERENT FROM FOOLISHNESS. CAPSULE SIXTY-FOUR COMPARE YOUR INDIVIDUAL BACKGROUND Marriage brings two people from two different backgrounds together to come and live together as one for a lifetime. If this purpose of oneness and unity will be achieved without stress or friction, then the two parties their background so as to must compare know areas to improve on. You must compare your age, interests, values, educational status etc. This is one of the things that courtship is meant for. When you compare background, it gives you insight into what to expect so that you can prepare for the responsibilities attached. CAPSULE SIXTY-FIVE YOU MUST COMPLEMENT AND NOT CONTRADICT EACH OTHER During your courtship, you should be able to ascertain whether you are both either complementary or contradictory. God will not bring into your life somebody who will be contradictory. If you as a lady will be a helpmeet to
someone, he should be doing something that you will not contradict. If you as a man will get a lady to be your helpmeet, she should not contradict what God has given you. If you discover unchanging and destructive contradictions during your time of courting, it is better to quit. If what pulls you apart is more and higher than what pulls you together, then there is the need to re-examine the union before making a lifetime commitment into sorrow and pain. CAPSULE SIXTY-SIX LOOK OUT FOR MARRIAGEABLE TRAITS Every man cannot be your husband and every woman cannot be your wife. This is due to the fact that not all men are husband material, and not all women are wife material. If you discover that someone does not possess marriageable traits or quality, you have to be careful. Look out for: - adaptability and flexibility - empathy i.e. sensitivity to the needs of others - ability to work through problems and solve them - ability to give and receive love - communication ability and balance. Not too quiet and not too noisy - willingness to yield to a lifestyle different from what they were used to i.e. ability to sacrifice etc. - willingness to accept God‟s Word as the final authority over every issue regardless of how they feel etc. CAPSULE SIXTY-SEVEN BUILD PILLAR ONE- LOVE Love is a foundation pillar in every relationship. No relationship can exist without love let alone survive without it. You must be ready to love and accept each other regardless of your weaknesses so that the relationship can grow. (Prov. 17:17) We must love each other deeply to overcome every fiery dart of the wicked. Agape : God‟s kind of love that is divine and unconditional Eros: Love based on passion and sexuality
Philio: Love based on affection and mutual relationship Storge: Family or blood love within relations For success in marriage, all these four kinds of love must be in place to be balanced. CAPSULE SIXTY-EIGHT ALWAYS RE-AFFIRM AND VALIDATE YOUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER God loves us and we know this, but we still expect God to re-affirm His love for us through fulfilled promises, releasing blessings, answering our prayers etc. For a relationship to be strong and established, both partners must continually reaffirm their love for each other by verbalising it regularly, validating it with gifts, care, and attention. During courtship, love should be affirmed within the boundary of purity and righteousness. Even though your partners know that you love and care for them, it does something in them when they hear it from you consistently. CAPSULE SIXTY-NINE BUILD PILLAR TWO- UNDERSTANDING PROV. 13:15 In all relationships, those involved should aim to come to a place of unity and oneness. This happens when they understand one another very well. Individuals in courtship should take time to grow to understand each other. Misunderstanding sometimes brings understanding and sometimes you disagree to agree. In all, let the Lord have His way. We need to understand our partners. - the way they talk - the way they react to things - the way they treat people and things - the way they view things etc. It takes time to understand each other but it is worth the time. CAPSULE SEVENTY BUILD PILLAR THREETRUST
A relationship is only as strong as the strength of trust that exists between the two parties. If there is no trust in a relationship, things fall apart. When we trust God, we open ourselves to His blessing (Prov. 3:5) and when we trust each other at all times, we keep the channels of blessings open. No matter the whispering of the devil, make up your mind to trust your partner because not everybody wants you to be happy. A relationship without trust is like a dead man waiting to be buried. Where there is no trust, there will be no unity. The devil knows this. That is why he fights trust in marriage and sows different thoughts and pictures in people‟s minds to bring doubt and mistrust. CAPSULE SEVENTY-ONE BUILD PILLAR FOURHONESTY/SINCERITY In Prov. 28:13, we see the danger of dishonesty and insincerity. Marriage is the only place where God expects us to be naked and not ashamed (Gen. 2:25) i.e. to be open, sincere, honest, plain and transparent without any form of hypocrisy, hidden agenda or deception. Lack of honesty and sincerity of heart brings in leprosy like that of Gehazi. Many people have entered into marriage to discover that their partner has an illegitimate child somewhere, has no womb, is impotent, has married before etc. Such discoveries can shatter people; so you should be honest with each other. If singles can honestly and sincerely say and follow the faith at all times, all will be well with them and their future. CAPSULE SEVENTY-TWO BUILD PILLAR FIVE-RESPECT Every relationship that wants to succeed must avoid over-familiarity. Familiarity breeds contempt when respect is lacking. For every relationship that will succeed maritally, there must be mutual respect for each other‟s grace, gifts, ideas, views and person. All these pillars that keep relationship strong are not automatic. You have to build them and avoid anything that will destroy them. (Eph. 5:21) Where there is respect, there is open door; but when respect is lacking, many walls will rise.
One thing that has to be noted is the fact that respect is reciprocal and anyone who desires to be respected must also sow respect. - This is true in friendship - This is true in courtship - It is true marriage - It is true in every relationship of life If respect is in place, things will be correct. CAPSULE SEVENTY-THREE NEVER REBUKE OR SLIGHT EACH OTHER IN PUBLIC What you appreciate will appreciate in value. Likewise, what you depreciate will depreciate in value. Those in courtship should never rebuke or slight each other in public. To do this is to act without wisdom and to hurt each other. In a serious relationship like courtship and marriage, public rebuke may be more destructive than constructive; and remember that in marriage, three (3) is public. To rebuke or slight each other in public is demeaning and hurtful. Many times, you can try to justify by saying that your criticism is constructive, but the real truth is that there is nothing constructive in criticism because criticism is criticism. Always speak the truth in love, wisdom, order and right context. CAPSULE SEVENTY-FOUR PUT YOUR PASTS BEHIND Yesterday is history. Today is current affairs and tomorrow is destiny. If we don‟t handle our pasts with maturity and wisdom, it may hinder us from enjoying our today. Everybody has a past. Some are good but some are bad. However, we should not allow the ghost of the past to bind us. Don‟t use your pasts against each other because no matter how bad the past, it did not kill you but allowed you to live and made you available to each other. You must realise that your life today is a sum of all the experiences you have gone through in life both negative and positive. Whether you admit it or not, the past has taught you some letters that has made you wiser today. Nobody moves forward with a reverse gear and every time you focus on the past, the vehicle of your destiny is in reverse.
BREAK FREE FROM YOUR PAST TO FREELY ENJOY TODAY. CAPSULE SEVENTY-FIVE FIGHT TO DESTROY GENERATIONAL DEVILS Abraham told a lie before the birth of Isaac, but when Isaac grew up he also told a lie because of generational devils. Rebekah was a deceiver; a cheat and Jacob got that from her as a generational devil; only to get to Rebekah‟s brotherLaban and discover that Laban was also a cheat and deceiver - IT RAN IN THEIR FAMILY. Everyone in Africa has something to fight against and destroy. So before marriage you must use your single stage to destroy every hereditary and generational devil operating in your family so that your path can be clear for a free course. Christ‟s death made way for our freedom, prayer and deliverance establishes the freedom while consistency in God maintains freedom. CAPSULE SEVENTY SIX GUYS: PREPARE FOR YOUR FUTURE ROLES Every single guy should use their present stage to prepare for their divine roles in marriage so as to function well. - You are to rule / lead the house with the rod of love as the prophet, priest and king that guide, guard and govern Eph. 5:23-33; Gen. 3:9, 16; 2:22; 1Tim. 3:4-5 and 12. - You are to handle the welfare of the house without selfishnessspiritually, physically, materially, financially and otherwise. 1Tim. 5:8. - You are to train your children; so don‟t push that responsibility to your wife. It is a joint responsibility. Prov. 22:6, Jer. 35:14, 18-19. - You are to love your wife unconditionally Eph. 5: 22-33, Col. 3:19, Prov.10:12 CAPSULE SEVENTY-SEVEN LADIES: PREPARE FOR YOUR FUTURE ROLES A lady is not to be a spectator or dormant partner in any relationship, especially marriage; so prepare to function.
- You are to be a submissive helpmeet to your husband spiritually, physically, financially, materially etc. - You are to be the homemaker who dictates and determines the climate of the house. Tit. 2:5, Prov. 31:1 - end - You are to operate on family hospitality to accommodate people. Rom. 12:13, Heb. 13:1-2, Act 16: 13-15, 2 Kg. 4:8 - 17. - You are to train your children by bearing and rearing them. - You are to submit to your husband as the head. CAPSULE SEVENTY-EIGHT PREPARE FOR YOUR CORPORATE ROLES Apart from individual roles, you both have roles that you must play to have a victorious marriage. - Eph. 5:2. Submit to one another in God as joint heirs. - Don‟t be rigid or religious about roles; so help each other in your individual roles - Don‟t boast against each other - Allow the Holy Ghost to rule the home - Jointly operate the survival principle for marriage - Planning of the home and the future is a Joint role - Financial budget should be done jointly - Prayer and spiritual state is a joint role CAPSULE SEVENTY-NINE ADAPT THE SURVIVAL PRINCIPLES Getting married is not as important as staying married with joy. For your marriage to survive the devil‟s attack and the arrow of divorce, you must apply the survival principles: - Give God His rightful place. Prov. 3:5-8, 1 Sam 2:30 - Pray warfare and effectual prayers together Lk. 18:1, Phil. 4:6, James 5:16, Eph. 6:10-8 - Appreciate each other daily. Rom. 12:10, Col. 3:15 - Agree on policy decision. Phil. 2:3, 3:16, Ps. 132:1-end, Amos 3:3, Matt 18:19.
- Acknowledge your divine roles and responsibilities 1 Cor. 7:33, Eph.5: 22-33, Prov. 10:12 - Activate your love for each other - Always look out for the good in each other. CAPSULE EIGHTY NOTHING IS TOO SMALL TO PRAY ABOUT As teenagers, youths, singles and people in courtship, we must know that God loves us so much and He is concerned about tiny details of our lives. He numbered the hair on our head to show us that nothing is too trivial for Him to be involved in. We should form the habit of talking to God about anything that worries us because we do not serve a God that is not touched by the feeling of our infirmities but we serve a God who loves and cares for us. There are many challenges in our lives that we have told everybody except God; yet we expect him to take care of what we have not invited him into. That you cried over an issue does not mean you have prayed about it. Prayer is a very potent weapon that can turn things around. WHAT A PRIVILEGE TO CARRY EVERYTHING TO GOD IN PRAYER. CAPSULE EIGHTY - ONE DON‟T KEEP RECORD OF WRONGDOINGS. Love does not keep evil records and that is why God has put our past behind and buried them in the Sea of Forgetfulness. We should avoid keeping diaries for the purpose of recording evil events and people‟s wrongdoings because it binds us to bitterness and un-forgiveness. It opens the door for the enemy to attack our minds/imagination; and it violates the principles of the kingdom as revealed in God‟s Word, 1 Cor. 13:1- end. It is not a sin to keep diaries but what you use it for must bring positive and not negative results in your life. It must glorify God. IF GOD KEEPS A DIARY FOR THE SAME REASON YOU KEEP A DIARY, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN? SELAH. CAPSULE EIGHTY - TWO MARRIAGE IS COVENANT Every teenager, youth or single Christian including those in courtship must
realise that marriage is a covenant and not just a promise. It is the union of two people of opposite sexes with a view of building a God-centred home. Ps. 89:34. A covenant cannot be broken once it is entered into. So, LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP. Once you enter, you cannot change your mind or choose to quit because it is a commitment and not just a feeling. Life time covenant like marriage requires wisdom and should not be rushed into. When going into marriage, one should understand fully the covenant implication because it is not an experiment or a short term excursion. It is for life and for real. CAPSULE EIGHTY - THREE GET UNDERSTANDING · Marriage is originated and ordained by God and can only be sustained by Him. · Marriage is God‟s idea and not man‟s idea Gen. 2:18 · Marriage is a union of spirit, soul and body. Amos. 3:3, 2 Cor. 6 : 14-18. · Marriage is not the culture of any country; it is heaven‟s culture. · Marriage is not a traditional issue; it is a scriptural issue. · Marriage is not an experiment or rehearsal; it is a real thing. · Marriage is not an excursion; it is a lifetime journey · It is better to wait for God‟s time to be married than to waste away in a marriage at the devil‟s time. · It is better to be single hoping to be married than to be married and praying to be single. CAPSULE EIGHTY - FOUR YOU HAVE TO BE COMPATIBLE Compatibility must be relationship that is looked into in any leading to towards marriage, especially for those in courtship. · Are you both spiritually compatible NB : Not everyone that goes to church and carries a Bible is a Christian. Are you both mentally compatible? NB : A University Professor from England and a stark illiterate from an African village must think twice. Are you physically compatible? NB : Age and size should be looked into with wisdom.
You should look out for compatibility and complementary traits in your partner before final conclusion, because if you have contradictions only; things will not get easy. CAPSULE EIGHTY -FIVE USE COURTSHIP CATALOGUE. - Ask questions from each other for deeper knowledge. (Backgrounds, dreams, visions, likes, dislikes etc.). · Don‟t love blindly- open your eyes, ears and mouth to discover. · Spend time praying and studying. Meet at least twice a week to pray and fast for God to have his way and to solidify your foundation. · Listen to tapes and messages together. · Exchange literatures and tapes and also give each other spiritual assignments. · Go out together for interaction and programmes. · Seek counsels together and be open to each other. · Avoid defilement, pollution and carnal manifestation like kissing, necking, snuffing, romance and sex. CAPSULE EIGHTY -SIX AVOID THE LIVE- IN SYNDROME All over the world today even in the church, people have adopted a satanic lifestyle of living together as husband and wife without any formal joining. It is an evil seed that should be uprooted especially in the church because to move in with each other has no divine or Godly advantage but it has numerous disadvantages. · It lacks the blessings of God. · It lacks the approval of parents. · It lacks the authority of the Nation. · It reduces the value of both parties and union · It opens the door for a curse Cohabitation is a very dangerous game to play as a single person because it has more negative consequences and effect than positive
one. CAPSULE EIGHTY - SEVEN AVOID DEMONIC INFLUENCE AND PRESSURE Teenagers, youths, singles and those in courtship face different pressures that range from peer pressure to others like family, financial, societal, sexual, satanic etc. When planning for marriage, you must avoid the parental pressure to become pregnant before marriage. It is a sad reality that most parents request this as a necessary condition for them to approve a union. You must know that such condition may get parental approval but it immediately loses divine approval. DON‟T ALLOW THE APPROVAL OF MAN TO MAKE YOU LOSE THE APPROVAL OF GOD. Selah! Anything that is required of you by any person or group that clearly violates the instructions and laws of God should be wisely and prayerfully avoided and rejected. Never allow any evil seed to be sown in the foundation of your union. CAPSULE EIGHTY- EIGHT AVOID IDOLATROUS FOUNDATION The foundation of anything is the most important part; and if the foundation is destroyed, there will be problem (Ps. 11:3). Most marriages in African because of the idolatrous demands that characterise ceremony. have problem practices and the wedding · Avoid alcohols and use fruit wine. Prov. 20:1, 23:20-21,Isa. 5:11,22, Prov. 31:31:1-6, 23:29-35. · · 27, Deut. 18:9-12. · Avoid worldliness and extravagance. Lk. 21:34, 15:12-15, 21, 24, 1Pet. 2:1 REMEMBER THE GOLDEN CALF Exo. 32. · Avoid libations- It is a covenant with the god of the land and demonic ancestries. · Avoid worldly and traditional music of invocation. Kola nuts, bitter kola, alligator pepper, life hen, goat, pig etc. are used often to make “special prayers”.
These are incantations to bless the man and woman during engagement ceremony but the blood is often used for libations to appease the dead relatives or family gods. This is all witchcraft and idolatry. CAPSULE EIGHTY- NINE LADIES SHOULD REFUSE BEING SOLD Exorbitant bride price and demands should be humbly and persistently refused by the woman and not the man. She should pray about this so that their marital destiny will not be delayed. It is not wrong to collect bride price but it is wrong to be sold to a man because you will become like a purchased property to the man instead of a loved person and it will affect the way you are treated. You will be used like a thing and become a senior house girl. But if you are received as a person, you will be loved and cared for. YOU ARE TOO MUCH TO BE BOUGHT WITH CASH. A young man got married to a lady and was virtually drained financially by the lady‟s family that he ended up using and abusing the lady as a purchased commodity and not a wife. CAPSULE NINETY POSSESS TWO STATEMENTS OF MATURITY Two statements that everybody must possess for their relationship to work and for their maturity to be attested are: “I AM SORRY” -Learn to say it when you are wrong and even when you are not. To accept responsibility for your failure is a proof of maturity and you should not be too big to say that. “THANK YOU”Learn to appreciate little favours because it opens doors to greater ones. If you give thanks for what you receive, you encourage the other party to do more. Courtesy demands that we imbibe the attitude of gratitude and also learn to say please. CAPSULE NINETY –ONE DEVELOP COMMUNICATION SKILLS . A relationship is strengthened by the level of communication between the people involved because communication is the basis of life. When there is break in
communication, abnormality sets in which in turn leads to the death of the relationship. · Speak the truth in love · Don‟t raise your voice on each other · Share details · Don‟t repeat issues especially past ones · Learn to be a listener · Allow for reaction and feedback. · Learn right timing · Use the two maturity statements · Pray for each other. If you don‟t communicate, you give room for disconnection and assumption. CAPSULE NINETY -TWO OPERATE EZEKIEL‟S METHOD OF LIVING In Ezek. 3:15-16, Prophet Ezekiel “SAT WHERE CAPTIVES SAT” and for seven days, he put himself in their position. For relationships to be successful, we must put ourselves in other people‟s shoes and DO UNTO OTHERS WHAT WE WANT TO BE DONE TO US. If people address you the way you address them, talk to you the way you talk to them, treat you the way you treat them etc., will you be happy? SO WATCH WHAT YOU SOW BECAUSE YOU WILL REAP SAME. Learn from Ezekiel and begin to act and relate with people as you want them to relate with you. When you put yourself in people‟s shoes, you will be less critical and judgemental. You will become more compassionate and understanding. CAPSULE NINETY- THREE USE THE COURTSHIP TIPS OF VICTORY (1-5) DISCOVER TEMPERAMENTS · Is he/she usually happy, cheerful and optimistic? NB: Marriage hardly changes basic personality traits Do your conversations run along lines of mutual interest and common goals or are there wide differences and incompatibilities? - Can he/she discuss controversial issues without indulging in heated arguments? · Discover Buts, Dos and Don‟ts
· Is he/she fond of children? These are practical wisdoms that every wise single must apply in their relationship. Everyone has his/her unique temperaments and it is good to understand your partner for deeper harmony. CAPSULE NINETY -FOUR USE COURTSHIP TIPS OF VICTORY (6-10) DISCOVER THOUGHT PATTERNS · Have you avoided making mental reservation with respect to your proposed marriage? The person partner ignorant of who keeps his/her facts pertaining to himself/herself is running a risk of mental harmony. · What is his/her belief in matters of morals, spiritual, finance and material acquisition? · Ask financial questions and study reactions to money. · Discover sources of joy, happiness and motivations. · Discover elements of secrecy if any. Everyone is a product of their previous thought and the thought will determine their future. It is vital to consider this aspect. CAPSULE NINETY -FIVE USE COURTSHIP TIPS OF VICTORY (11-15) DISCOVER SOCIAL GRACES/LAPSES · Does he/she cooperate with others and work smoothly with superiors? · Is he/she benevolent towards his inferiors and does he delight in assisting the less privileged? · Does he/she accept advice graciously with a teachable spirit or is he/she unteachable and adamant. · Are there signs of diligence and dedication to office work and God‟s work or nonchalance? · Are his/her values temporal or eternal?
Many people have gotten named without considering the details because they thought it is irrelevant. However, they ended up with regrets. Don‟t despise these wise counsels or take these things for granted. CAPSULE NINETY- SIX USE COURTSHIP TIP OF VICTORY (16-20). DISCOVER MATURITY LEVEL · Is there willingness to pick up responsibilities or has he/she succeeded in any previous responsibility? · Is he/she proud of you in public? · Check levels of maturity both spiritually and otherwise. · Do you still love his/her faults? · If you don‟t have peace in the courtship, back out before it is too late and don‟t force yourself into marriage. “I never knew he was this kind of a person. I wouldn‟t have accepted to marry him”. This was the statement of a young lady that got married without considering some of these things. LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP. CAPSULE NINETY-SEVEN USE THE BUILDING BLOCK FOR SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE · Conviction - Don‟t do anything without God‟s leading · Consecration - Don‟t allow pollution in all you do · Commitment - Give your best to make your relationship succeed · Companionship Make your partner your best friend after God. · Communication - Keep the line open. · Cash - Handle money well so that you will not mourn. · Conjugal right - Be ready to give yourself in marriage. · Children - Prepare for parenthood. · Consummation - Plan to remain married all through your lifetime. · Caution - Live cautiously to make heaven. CAPSULE NINETY-EIGHT AVOID RIOTOUS LIVING Riotous living led to the disgrace and fall of the biblical prodigal son who, even
though he erred by collecting his birthright before its time, the blessing was wasted due to riotous living. Riotous living simply put is to live a life of financial indiscipline and unrestrained spending. This lifestyle is fuelled by the spirit of covetousness and an evil eye. As singles, youths and people in courtship, you must be careful about the way you handle the resources at your disposal so as not to regret in future. · Don‟t buy what you can do without · Don‟t pay for what you have not seen. · Don‟t be unfaithful in your tithes, offerings and vows. · Don‟t invest in what you don‟t understand. · Invest wisely to secure your future · Buy what you can buy now don‟t wait till you marry. · Don‟t push till tomorrow what you can do today. A word is enough for the wise. CAPSULE NINETY-NINE LEARN TO ASK QUESTIONS It has been universally established that people who ask questions never get lost. Many people are suffering in silence and making stupid mistakes in their relationships because they have failed to seek godly counsel and ask questions about what they don‟t understand. God has positioned people at strategic areas to assist and support you. Don‟t die of thirst when there is a well of water by your side. If you need answers to your questions, or you need counselling on any issue, don‟t hesitate to ask. Solution is always closer than you think. CAPSULE HUNDRED RECOMMEND THIS BOOK TO SOMEONE The final wisdom pill for you is to make sure you recommend this book to someone else so that he or she can be blessed. Don‟t just pass on your own to them, buy for people if you can and advise people to buy their own copy. Help to spread this wisdom for winning book so that lives can be changed. IT IS MY DREAM THAT THIS BOOK WILL REACH THE HANDS OF ONE
MILLION TEENAGERS, YOUTH AND SINGLES BEFORE JESUS RETURNS. SO JOIN ME TO MAKE THIS DREAM A REALITY BECAUSE YOUR DREAMS WILL ONLY BE FULFILLED AS YOU HELP OTHERS TO FULFIL THEIR DREAMS. I LOVE YOU! CHAPTER THREE UNDERSTANDING RELATIONSHIPS Life is all about relationships. Man is born by relationship, born for a relationship, lives by relationship and dies in a relationship. · We are born by the relationship of our father and mother · We are born for the purpose of worshipping and serving God as His ambassadors on earth. · We live and continue to exist based on our relationship with God, ourselves, others and life. · We die to continue our higher relationship with God in heaven. We must have a good relationship with the following people before we leave this world. (1) GOD: Our relationship with God must be real, functional and very intimate because the success of our relationship with God determines the success of our relationship with man. To be saved and washed by the blood is the foundation of our relationship with God. (2) SELF: We must have a good relationship with ourselves because it will affect our relationship with people. We must not allow low self-esteem, inferiority complex or complex but we must superiority believe in ourselves and see ourselves as God sees us. DON‟T ALLOW PEOPLE‟S OPINION TO SHAPE YOUR PERCEPTION OF YOURSELF.. (3) OTHER BRETHREN: Our relationship with those in the kingdom must be that of love and harmony because we are relations in the same ship of the kingdom and love for each other is what makes the world know that we are God‟s children. Avoid pride and Island Mentality because no one lives alone. In Christ, you are not an individual but part of a body, a family.
(4) THE WORLD: We are in this world but not of this world and God expects us to shine our light so as to destroy darkness in the world. Don‟t avoid the unbelievers because you cannot save them from afar but God expects you to have CONTACT WITHOUT CONTAMINATION. Jesus related with sinners but was never a part of their sin. APPLY WISDOM • It was relationship that took Enoch to heaven. • It was relationship that gave Sarah a baby after menopause • It was relationship that kept Adam in the garden of abundance. • It was relationship that gave Elisha the double portion of Elijah‟s anointing. However, you must apply wisdom in your relationships because: • It was relationship that destroyed Solomon‟s life. • It was relationship that destroyed Samson‟s destiny. • It was relationship that distracted the prodigal son. • It was relationship that defiled Dinah • It was relationship that destroyed Judas There are four sets of people you meet in life and they all want to relate with you but you have to make your choice. (1) DIVISION SET - they always divide you (2) SUBTRACTION SET they always subtract from you. (3) ADDITION SET - they always add to you. (4) MULTIPLICATION SET - they always multiply you. (For details of these people and more insights on relationship, get my book on “Friends and Friendship”) ANY RELATIONSHIP THAT DOES NOT DRAW YOU CLOSER TO GOD MUST BE AVOIDED. CASE STUDY A Good case study that will motivate us into positive relationship is in 2 kings 4:1-7.
Looking closely at the above case study, you‟ll discover the following: · It was relationship that linked her to Elisha. · It was her relationship with neighbours that gave her empty vessels. · Her miracle stopped where her relationship stopped because she had no more vessels. If she had more relationships, she would have had more vessels. However you‟ll also discover that: · Relationship brought the debt into her life. · Relationship was to take her children away. You need wisdom in your relationship. FINAL WORD You must have been blessed by this book, but for your blessings to be permanent you need Jesus. Life without Christ is full of crises but when Jesus is on the inside, there will be peace within. If you don‟t have a salvation experience and a functional relationship with God, you can start today. Pray this prayer sincerely and genuinely from your heart and it shall be well. SINNER‟S PRAYER. Lord Jesus, I thank you for the opportunity to surrender my all to you. I believe I‟m a sinner and without you I can do nothing. Come into my life Lord Jesus and save me by your power. Cleanse me by your blood and make me whole. Thank you Jesus because I‟m forever yours. If you have prayed this prayer sincerely from your heart, you can write and contact me to share your testimony and I will send you free literatures to assist your growth. SOMEONE ELSE MIGHT NEED THIS BOOK. DON‟T FAIL TO PASS IT ON. THE NEW RULES OF LOVE The Common Sense Guru has done it again in his unusual, simple, practical yet loaded approach to writing. Olumide Emmanuel, the Apostle of Wisdom has once again reaffirmed himself as the nation‟s foremost relationship expert.
In this revolutionary masterpiece, he brings “The New Rules Of Love, for singles and couples to update everyone up-to-date in the school of love. In this thought provoking book, you will: - Learn The New Rules of Love for Singles and Couples - Realize The New Trends in the relational world - Discover the 10 characteristics of a Real Man The 7 Steps to Finding Love - The 8 Laws of Attraction - The 5 Love Languages - The '10 Nevers' for Women - The 15 Love Needs of Men and Women Specially spiced up with mind blowing stories and true life episodes, this book helps understand the uniqueness of the male and female gender and gives special tips to rich, powerful, successful career-women. What grandma and mama taught you is no more working. The rules have changed and this book in your hand is a refresher course. Welcome to school! HOW TO BE A MILLIONAIRE/PATHWAY TO WEALTH The long awaited wealth creation package is finally out. For over a decade, the author has taught practical, simple and easy-to-apply wealth-creation principles and strategies to numerous audiences around the world with outstanding results. Now in a marriage of Biblical economic principles and wealth creation strategies, the author brings a balance and delivers the goods. In this masterpiece, you will discover: How to Develop Investment Mentality The Power to get Wealth The Pathway to Wealth The Components of True Wealth The Vehicles of Wealth Creation What Poverty really means, its Causes and Cure How to Activate Multiple Streams of Income How to Activate Generational Blessings How to Plan your Retirement
An Investment Opportunity that gives you a Guaranteed 20% return per annum Numerous Wealth Creation Principles, Strategies and Wisdom How to Truly become a Millionaire The book also includes a practical workplace to help you practice the principles along with a free CD that gives you an audience with the author. BREAKING THE STRONGHOLD OF DELAY Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, it is a delight. Many people's hearts have been made sick due to delayed desires and unrealised expectations. Why don't I get what I want when I want them? Why do I pray, fast and trust God and still don't get results? Why are God's promises to me being delayed for so long? These are some of the questions in the hearts of many. In this best-selling book, the author answers this and many more questions. This book reveals strongholds that cause delay and shows the reader how to overcome them. Delay is not denial, as you will realise in this masterpiece. Even if you can't trace God, trust Him. If you can't track Him, trust Him because while you're wondering what God is doing, He is working behind the scene. Get a copy of this book and break free from delay! SINGLES THOU ART LOOSED! The Apostle of Wisdom has proven himself as an authority again in this latest relational master piece. Unlike any other book from his stable, this comes with a new twist to this bestselling author‟s writing career. If you think you know all about Olumide Emmanuel‟s writing skill, wait until you read this. After over a decade of being a leading voice on relationship, this book comes with a prophetic mantle for the release of every reader. In this book, you will Finally solve The Mystery of Love Realise 20 Things Singles need to be free from Discover 50 new wisdom principles from the Apostle of Wisdom
Discover a Character of God alien to many Be Empowered to rise above Relational Foolishness. From the introduction to the very end, this book is laced with true life stories and case studies that will „wow‟ you. Get ready to be loosed because freedom is better. COMMON SENSE IS NOT COMMON The words "Common Sense" suggest to us that it is something that is common and general to all. However a close look at people's lives reveals that Common Sense is not common. The author in this motivational masterpiece takes you on a journey into the world of Common Sense. The age of Methuselah, the oldest man that ever lived cannot be compared to the Wisdom of Solomon. In this book, you'll discover over fifty uncommon principles for uncommon success. These Common Sense capsules come with indepth explanation, stories and challenges. You cannot remain the same after reading this book. Get your copy. LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH In this relational bestseller for the singles and the married, the author in his unusual, simple, practical, yet loaded approach to writing brings fresh insight into the issue of love in relationships. Many people say "I DO" without having a clue of what they are meant to do, and a lot of couples are today going through secret frustrations. In this book, teenagers, youths, and singles will discover what to put in place before saying "I DO," and in the second section, couples will realise what to do after they have said "I DO". What do you do if you fall in love with someone, only to discover that the person is your blood brother, a secret child that your dad had outside the home? What do you do if after marriage, you discover that your spouse is a homosexual, a hermaphrodite or HIV positive?
This book is loaded with divine wisdom and vital information for relational success. It's two books in one with over twenty chapters revealing vital ingredients, essential for relational success. This book will really do you good, and help you realise that LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH. Get your copy. ARE YOU A FOOL? A QUESTION OR AN INSULT? This is "Common Sense Is Not Common" (Part Two). It is Common Sense Reloaded. If you read "Common Sense Is Not Common "then you have to read this transformational and revolutionary bestseller. If someone were to walk up to you and ask, "Are you a fool?", will you consider it to be a question that needs an answer, or an insult that should never be allowed? Right through the Introduction to the final words, this book is loaded to help you discover: The True Definitions of a Fool. Over forty Revelational Characteristics of a Fool The A to Z of Divine Wisdom. How to Move from Foolishness to Wisdom. Your Personal Status with Regards to the Question "ARE YOU A FOOL?" No one has read this book without having a story to tell. Get your copy. WHY ARE YOU NOT MARRIED? Does anyone have an answer to this question? Rejoice! Because God has an answer. In this relational bestseller, a product of over six years of research, the author has been used by God to answer this question through this book. In this book, you get answers to the following: Is Marriage for Everyone? How Does One Prepare for Marriage? What are the Different Categories of Delay? Why You are not Married? Over Forty Universal Reasons for Late Marriage and Delay? Singles that are experiencing delay can now heave a sigh of relief because help has come. This book is not theoretical but practical, because the contents have been tested, proved and have produced testimonies to show for it all over the
world. Your testimony or that of a friend, family or loved one can be the next as you read and act on all that this book reveals, or make it available to others. Congratulations in advance as you get your copy. 101 WISDOM FOR SINGLES This is a book for teenagers, youths, singles, and single parents, those in courtship, newly wedded and young couples. Nobody succeeds in a battle by manufacturing their weapons on the battlefield. Wisdom demands that every wise single person should acquire all the information needed for a successful single life and a glorious marriage before entering into it. If you're not informed, you'll because information is the transformation. be deformed bedrock for In this book, the author gives practical wisdom keys to fully equip you for allround victory in the world of relationships. You will get: · The Right Understanding of Singles. · Balanced Understanding of Relationships in Life. · Learn The Secret of Relational Success. · Learn How To Enjoy Where You are on the Way to Where You are Going. There is no school of marriage where singles or couples can learn, but this book brings the school to you. Get ready to enjoy what millions have enjoyed through this bestseller. Get your copy. 101 ANSWERS FOR SINGLES After speaking to over a million people in the popular “Wisdom For Singles Conference,” and answering thousands of questions, the author has released this master piece. We all need answers to different questions in our hearts. In this bestseller, you will get answers to asked and unasked questions on relationships and life in general. When our questions find answers, joy comes and confusion ceases.
So get ready for an impartation of wisdom as you partake of 101 answers that cover a wide range of issues in the world of relationships. How do I know when I am ripe for relationships? How can I know someone truly loves me? Is it okay to have sex before marriage? Can a lady propose to a man? How do I handle age difference and racial differences? These and many more questions are answered by the author in this book. Get your copy. SINGLES! GET READY In this best-selling book, vital truths are revealed by the author. Many people prepare for weddings, but only few prepare for marriage. A wedding is for a day, but marriage is for a life time. This book is loaded to prepare you. Proper preparation prevents poor performance because, preparation is a necessary prerequisite for success and victory in every aspect of life. A lot of people have entered marriage without adequate preparation only to meet with frustration. This is a timely and vital book for single people who desire to succeed both in their relationships and marriages. This book brings before you practical wisdom and insights that will empower you for the future. Discover Seven Major Areas of Preparation Required for Every Single Person. Discover How to Choose A Life Partner the Right Way. Discover Courtship Tips that will Help You Succeed in Your Courtship. Discover The Place and Importance of Prayer in Creating Your Future. There is no doubt that this is a book every single person must read. Get your copy. FRIENDS AND FRIENDSHIP The very mention of the word 'friends", ignites a lot of memories in the hearts of everyone. To some, of friends who have been a blessing, and to others memories of disappointments and betrayal, caused by supposed friends. Is There Anything like True Friendship Today? How do I Make Real Friends?
How Do I Discern Unfriendly Friends? How Can a Guy and Lady be Friends Without Flirting? These and many more questions will be answered as the author takes you through practical steps in the world of true friendship and you will reap the benefits. Discover the secrets to success in friendship and how your association determines your destiny. Get your copy. THE POWER OF MERCY The Love of God The Grace of God The Mercy of God The Favour of God etc are all attributes that people talk about but yet know little or nothing about. This book is a revealing masterpiece that gives insight and virtues and how yourself. understanding on these to experience them for The author in this book brings you into the world of God's mercy and power. You'll discover: The Difference between the Mercy, Grace, Love and Favour of God and how to access each. The dangers of Religion and a Revelation of the Real Jesus. Doorways into the Favour of God. This Book is an Eye-Opener, and a Word from God. It's a Rhema. Get your copy! MAXIMISING OPPORTUNITY In this motivational mini book, the author reveals vital information about opportunity, and helps position you to maximize and make the most of all life's opportunities. Discover the Seven Ways to Identify Opportunity. Discover Fifteen Universal Facts about Opportunity. It's a Loaded Dynamite that Defines Opportunity in a Unique way. Opportunity plus preparation equals to success, while opportunity plus lack of
preparation ends in frustration. Don't miss this opportunity to maximize opportunities. Get your copy. Where you will be in the next five years will be determined by the books you read, and the friends you keep. Realising this should make everyone a reader but many have a poor reading culture. DEVELOPING READING CULTURE This is a motivational book to help ignite in you a passion for books that transform. Discover The Importance Of A Reading Culture. Discover How To Develop A Reading Culture. Discover How To Build A Legacy. Get a copy and enroll for greatness because readers are leaders. SINGLES, NO MORE GAMES There are lots of games that single people play which hurt and destroy. In this relational bestseller, the author in his unusual, practical, yet loaded approach reveals the dangers of playing games as a single person. With over twenty dangerous games unveiled, singles are set for a transformation through this book. LIVING ABOVE AVERAGE Time up! The game is up as this book teaches you how to rise above relational games. Get your copy and receive grace to become an exceptional single. You are born an original; don't die as a photocopy. Living above average is a motivational bestseller with the ability to ignite in you the power for exceptional results. It's time to say "no" to mediocrity and aim for the stars. The author reveals so much in this book that many have testified about the impact it made on them. Your testimony is the next. Get your copy. BUILDING A STRONG SELF-ESTEEM A closer look at most of the problems in the lives of many today will reveal that low selfesteem is at the root of them. This book is loaded to help you:
Discover The Real Truth About Selfesteem. The Major Signs Of Low Self Esteem How To Overcome Low Self-esteem. How To Build A Strong Self-esteem. No one can make you feel inferior without your permission. Get a copy of this book and be transformed. OVERCOMING THE EXCUSES OF FAILURE Excuses have come to be known as the trademarks of failures. But in this motivational bestseller, the author is saying it's time to rise above the blame game, and take responsibilities for your destiny. This is a must read for anyone who desires to be a success in life, because you can't read this book and remain the same. After reading this book, you will have no excuse for being a failure. Get your copy. OVERCOMING THE FORCES OF LIMITATION Many people have experienced limitations in different aspects of life without knowing why, and how to overcome them. In this masterpiece, the author reveals: § The Danger Of Limitation. § The Seven Areas Of Limitation. § The Way Out Of Limitation. A fish in an aquarium is in bondage because it was not created for the aquarium. It's time to break free from every form of limitation. Get your copy and maximize your life! THE MAKING OF A DREAM Do you have a dream that you want to see fulfilled? Then this book is a must read for you. A life without a dream is impotent, and a life with unfulfilled dream is a frustrating life. The author in this motivational bestseller reveals: How To Realise Your Dream. The Process Of Every Dream.
The Enemies Of Your Dream. If it's going to be, it's up to you. Get your copy. This book will most likely bring tears to your eyes. What do you do when you are accused of being guilty of a crime you know nothing about, and there is evidence to prove you are guilty? In this book, the author reveals: How To Overcome Character Assassination. How To Stand Strong In The Lonely Valley Of Rejection. How To Be Better And Not Bitter In Matters That Life Brings. This book is too loaded for you to miss. Get your copy. AUTHOR‟S CONTACT INFORMATION POSTAL P.O Box 5021, Oshodi, Lagos-Nigeria. P.O Box 2847, Ikeja, Lagos-Nigeria.
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Website : www.commonsensegroup.com www.trucalms.org www.tea.org.ng www.commonsenseonline.org
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Business Office: Common Sense Ltd. 28b, Ajanaku Street, Awuse Estate, Salvation Bus Stop, Opebi Road, Ikeja, Lagos-Nigeria.